Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
