I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
