absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh god it's open bar.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
