I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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