I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
