Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
