Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
