Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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