I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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