My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
