o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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