Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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