yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
