Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am one with the molecules
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
