I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
