she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
