Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
