I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
