made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
