just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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