I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
