that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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