Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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