dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
