but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
