now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
