Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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