went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
