Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
