Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
