I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
