im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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