It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
