Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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