Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
