the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
