just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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