We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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