? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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