Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
