So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize