i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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