I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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