the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
