I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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