I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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