if you like me you must not know who I am
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
