just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm always down for nudity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
