We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
