How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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