New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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