Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
