the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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