You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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