I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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