smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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