My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
