Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize