He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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