omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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