Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
