I cockslap morals
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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