Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A+ Viking dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
