It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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