When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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