You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
