So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
