i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
