bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
