who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
