so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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