True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
