Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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