i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
