The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize