She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can't motorboat a personality
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
