I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
