i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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