I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
