I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
