Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
